Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

The Thirty Seventh Floor

"Hello, and welcome to the 31 Commerce Center automated guest assistance program. This service was recently developed as a building directory, technical assistance hotline, and historical trivia data base on the development of the very first fully automated guest assistance program installed in an office building at 31 Commerce Center. How may I direct your call?"

Jeff gazed up at the illuminated display over the elevator door for a moment before replying into the wall mounted telephone handset. "The elevators' stuck at floor 37" he responded.

"We are sorry, this system is not equipped with voice recognition technology. Please enter 1 for the building directory, 3 for technical assistance, or 4 for the historical trivia data base on the development of the very first fully automated guest assistance program installed in an office building at 31 Commerce Center. How may I direct your call?"

Looking rather skeptical, Jeff entered #3 on the keypad. "Hello", the voice answered "welcome to the technical assistance directory for the historical trivia data base on the development of the very first fully automated guest assistance program installed in an office building at 31 Commerce Center. How may I direct your call?" Jeff summarized, stating simply "Elevator's stuck".

A brief silence followed. "Please state the nature of your emergency." Jeff repeated his simple predicament. "Please note that this call may be recorded for liability purposes, plausible denial, or fact deletion purposes with or without your expressed approval. If you concur please press 1 , or a coroner will be notified and dispatched to your location." Jeff, sensing it would be best, pressed #1. "Thank you", the voice bubbled, "please state your location" "Floor 37" he responded.

Please wait while you are connected with the historical trivia data base on the development of the very first fully automated guest assistance program installed in an office building at 31 Commerce Center. After a brief musical interlude, the voice continued "Did you know that the 31 Commerce Center building was opened in 1991 and was the first 28 story building to occupy this address, circa 1991?" Jeff considered this a moment before responding. "Yes, yes I did." "We are sorry" the voice returned seeming a little snippy, "this system is not equipped with voice recognition technology. Reporting a false emergency call is punishable by imprisonment of up to five years and/ or a $50,ooo fine. Please press 1 to recant your earlier testimony".
Jeff dutifully pressed #1. The voice then continued, "Did you know that the historical trivia data base on the development of the very first fully automated guest assistance program installed in an office building at 31 Commerce Center states that due to schedule delays and cost overruns during construction, the pre-ordered 40 floor elevator was installed while the building was susbsequently completed only to the 28th floor?"

Presently the elevator door slid open and a strong gust filled the tiny compartment. The sun hung low over the city sprawled in all directions. Jeff dared to peek beyond the opening to the roof of 31 Commerce Center, nine stories below. He couldn't help but wonder what would happen now if he pressed #2.
"Please proceed to the nearest exit in an orderly fashion."

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