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Writing > Users > rockmyorchid > 2019

Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction


The following is a piece of writing submitted by rockmyorchid on March 11, 2019
"Needs work..."

Anxiety

I remember taking swimming lessons when I was young. Every summer I would go after school to our local outdoor pool and attempt to advance a level. I lloved it until I found I could no longer advance. The problem was the doggy paddling, or the treading water. I just couldn't sustain the amount of time required to move beyond Maroon. I can still feel my limbs aching in my sustained effort to keep my head above water for the required amount of time. I can still remember the feeling of wanting nothing more than to float on my back in the water instead of fighting against my own body in what I came to see as a futile attempt to beat the circumstance of my own existance. I felt the pressure to not choke on the tepid water even though the chlorine stung my eyes and my nose felt swollen with moisture. I could feel the impending failure on my shoulders pushing down until I could no longer flail and had to grasp the edge of the pool.

I still feel this way sometimes in life. When I start a new job I am underqualified for or when I am surrounded by people and still feel so alone I find myself choking on my own thoughts, my inner self stinging from my own awkward attempts too keep my head above the water again. And again. And yet again. This has become a familiar, though unwelcome , feeling in my days. I near drown constantly with attempt in actions and I am amazed every day when I reach the edge of the pool and am able to float off to sleep.

Can you imagine that? Trying not to drown with every breath until you face exhaustion, inundated with the heavy feeling of having no choice but to keep your head up above water because there is no other option.

I hate swimming now.

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