R. Wesley Lovil: Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Member Page: R. Wesley Lovil's profile page at Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

R. Wesley Lovil

R. Wesley Lovil's Writer Profile Page. ID = 319
Subscribe in a Feed Reader

Writing

Because of a Girl (Apr 27, 2014)
The First paragraph (Mar 23, 2014)
Panic at the Zoo (Mar 9, 2014)
The Love Connection (Feb 23, 2014)
More writing by R. Wesley Lovil


Writing History

2014 writing
2013 writing
2012 writing
2011 writing
2010 writing
2009 writing
2008 writing

Reading List

DouglasMichael KScribbler
Sylvan Sylph 

My Favorites

Fear Man (Sep 8, 2008)
Pep Talk Grab-Bag (Feb 15, 2009)

Messages


Douglas
Dec 9, 2013
Ditto what MissAnnie said!

MissAnnie
Dec 8, 2013
Missed your writing these past couple weeks!

du courage
Nov 10, 2013
I didn't have a clear picture yet, but yours is so nice, I'll stick to that.

snapper
Feb 28, 2012
I really like your writing style . keep up the good work.

MissAnnie
Aug 28, 2011
No, my mother buys our text books online. : )

Douglas
Jan 9, 2011
Even though I haven't had much time for writing lately, I'm enjoying your writing prompts! :)

robin
Nov 29, 2009
have you read the book dibs in search of self

Douglas
Feb 9, 2009
Okay, here are some ideas. You start out in iambic tetrameter ("alTHOUGH you SEARCH on SEA and LAND" is perfect iambic meter - one unstressed followed by one stressed syllable, four times). By the end, though, you've switched to iambic PENTAMETER, which is FIVE stressed beats instead of four)

If you were to choose one or the other, it would make your poem flow more smoothly. For what it's worth, I think pentameter is a little easier to work with because you have more "room" in each line.

The other thing is that in some of your lines you have extraneous syllables that break up the "da DA da DA da DA" sort of rhythm. If you look at this line: "and MAYbe CRAWL through the DEsert SAND" you see that "through" and "the" are two unaccented syllables next to each other. The line would have perfect rhythm if you just dropped the word "the": "and MAYbe CRAWL through DEsert SAND"

Similarly, your line about a hole in the boat has extra unaccented syllables: "from a BROken PACK to a HOLE in your BOAT"

but you could easily change that like this: "from BROken PACKS to HOLES in BOATS"

The very next line is the one that switches to iambic pentameter. In fact, it's perfect iambic pentameter.

If you decided to switch the whole thing to iambic pentameter, you could start out with something like this:

"Although you search on every sea and land,
And maybe crawl through hottest desert sand..."

(You see what I've done? I added "every" and "hottest" to give the extra beat)

Sorry this is so long - hopefully that makes sense and is helpful to you. If I've used terms you're not clear about, ask, and I'll try to explain some more! :)

Douglas
Feb 8, 2009
That's a fun poem about Duct Tape. There are a few places where your rhythm kind of stumbles along the way - if you want, I could give you a list of possible changes that would tighten up the rhythm a bit. But...only if you want me to! :)

Mathax
Oct 27, 2008
No, I think Microsoft will be out of business by then.

Search for Great Fiction

Use the google search bar below to find writings exclusively on this site.

Custom Search



News!    Writing Prompt    My Assignment    FAQ    Contact    Privacy Policy    Search     Terms of Use     Login