R. Wesley Lovil: Fifteen Minutes of Fiction
Member Page: R. Wesley Lovil's profile page at Fifteen Minutes of Fiction
R. Wesley LovilR. Wesley Lovil's Writer Profile Page. ID = 319
Because of a Girl (Apr 27, 2014)
National Poetry Writing Month - Love is Worth the Cost (Apr 20, 2014)
A Muslin Girl's Plight (Apr 13, 2014)
National Poetry Writing Month - Week One (Apr 6, 2014)
The Lesser of Two Evils (Mar 30, 2014)
The First paragraph (Mar 23, 2014)
A Visitor from far Away (Mar 16, 2014)
Panic at the Zoo (Mar 9, 2014)
You Can't Take a Mulligan (Mar 2, 2014)
More writing by R. Wesley Lovil
The Love Connection (Feb 23, 2014)
Dec 9, 2013
|Ditto what MissAnnie said!|
Dec 8, 2013
|Missed your writing these past couple weeks!|
Nov 10, 2013
|I didn't have a clear picture yet, but yours is so nice, I'll stick to that.|
Feb 28, 2012
|I really like your writing style . keep up the good work.|
Aug 28, 2011
|No, my mother buys our text books online. : )|
Jan 9, 2011
|Even though I haven't had much time for writing lately, I'm enjoying your writing prompts! :)|
Nov 29, 2009
|have you read the book dibs in search of self|
Feb 9, 2009
|Okay, here are some ideas. You start out in iambic tetrameter ("alTHOUGH you SEARCH on SEA and LAND" is perfect iambic meter - one unstressed followed by one stressed syllable, four times). By the end, though, you've switched to iambic PENTAMETER, which is FIVE stressed beats instead of four)|
If you were to choose one or the other, it would make your poem flow more smoothly. For what it's worth, I think pentameter is a little easier to work with because you have more "room" in each line.
The other thing is that in some of your lines you have extraneous syllables that break up the "da DA da DA da DA" sort of rhythm. If you look at this line: "and MAYbe CRAWL through the DEsert SAND" you see that "through" and "the" are two unaccented syllables next to each other. The line would have perfect rhythm if you just dropped the word "the": "and MAYbe CRAWL through DEsert SAND"
Similarly, your line about a hole in the boat has extra unaccented syllables: "from a BROken PACK to a HOLE in your BOAT"
but you could easily change that like this: "from BROken PACKS to HOLES in BOATS"
The very next line is the one that switches to iambic pentameter. In fact, it's perfect iambic pentameter.
If you decided to switch the whole thing to iambic pentameter, you could start out with something like this:
"Although you search on every sea and land,
And maybe crawl through hottest desert sand..."
(You see what I've done? I added "every" and "hottest" to give the extra beat)
Sorry this is so long - hopefully that makes sense and is helpful to you. If I've used terms you're not clear about, ask, and I'll try to explain some more! :)
Feb 8, 2009
|That's a fun poem about Duct Tape. There are a few places where your rhythm kind of stumbles along the way - if you want, I could give you a list of possible changes that would tighten up the rhythm a bit. But...only if you want me to! :)|
Oct 27, 2008
|No, I think Microsoft will be out of business by then.|