Invisible Joe: Fifteen Minutes of Fiction
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Invisible JoeInvisible Joe's Writer Profile Page. ID = 196
|Josiah T.||Rabbit Stu||lostcerebellum|
Apr 17, 2008
|No denying, I like all your poems as well|
The rhythm and rhyme is as clear as a bell.
If you did this week's prompt, you could use it to tell
How much you enjoy the books written by Shel!
Apr 14, 2008
|Added note to my previous comment...when I showed you 'Physics' reformatted, in its new form I realized that you have almost perfect anapestic meter. You can improve the meter by adding a couple words in the last two lines, but the trade off is that your mid-line rhyme would no longer "stand out" because it is no longer the close of the thought:|
I signed up for physics, but don't ask me why.
I don't like the topics - they're boring and dry.
The teacher, she taught us that physics has laws.
Things act like they ought to, the rules have no flaws
My opinion is that the metrical flow is more important than the mid-line rhyme, but that's a decision you've got to make!